Becoming Mo

Have you ever taken one look at your messy house and said, “Clean? Tonight? Not me!” 😂

Well, that was me last night.

I had reached my tired limit. Actually, I think I had exceeded it, and my brain just went into desperate self-care mode.

So, I went to bed.

Well… I tried to.

For a while, my brain kept guilt-tripping me – or whatever it was doing – about my messy house. Eventually, blissful sleep came.

Then I woke up at 3 a.m.

By 4 a.m., I gave up trying to sleep.

I tried watching a movie. Thought about responding to some month-old chats but decided that might be a little creepy. 😂 Then I put on another movie, watched two scenes, and turned it off.

I was simply restless.

Somewhere in all that restlessness, I remembered something someone once told me: “You can’t do anything outside God.”

For some reason, I had developed a subtle dislike for that statement.

It felt like that pronouncement kept me bound somehow, and I didn’t like it.

Bound or not, though, I turned to God.

The same God.

As usual, the only words I could form were:

“Help me. Have mercy.”

I want to have that close-knit relationship with God, but somehow, awkwardness stepped in.

Imagine having an awkward relationship with God.

Sounds weird, right?

Anyway, I got over myself-with God’s help-and He spoke back.

Psalm 23.

Psalm 121.

Psalm 91.

And then, the clearest one for me: Psalm 127.

I read them in that order, and when I got to Psalm 127, I knew I had heard something.

I carry a lot that I don’t have to carry.

I worry.

I put in the human effort in everything I do, but it felt like God was saying:

“Hey girl, I’m here. I’ve been here all along. Let Me be everything to you.”

And that brought me peace.

I’ll probably cry unnecessarily about spilled milk someday – the wasted years when I tried to do it all by myself.

But for tonight… or rather, this morning, I found peace.

And above all, I found my connection to God again.

Maybe it’s premature to celebrate.

But it’s a win for tonight.

Or this morning.

I’ll take it. 🤍❤️🤍

“Except the LORD build the house, They labour in vain that build it: Except the LORD keep the city, The watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: For so he giveth his beloved sleep.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭KJV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1/psa.127.1-2.KJV

And for anyone trying to find their way back to God:

You don’t have to have the perfect words.

You don’t have to know exactly how to begin.

You don’t even have to feel completely ready.

Sometimes, all you have to do is take a step.

Even if that step is simply:

“Help me.”

“Have mercy.”

He is still there.

#FindingMo #Psalm127 #Grace